In the future we'll all be gay
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The air was thick with penises
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
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