you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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