he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
