is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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