just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
a search helicopter?!
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
