Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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