I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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