If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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