The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
