jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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