Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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