He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
