oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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