i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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