idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Randomize
