my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
