My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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