i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize