This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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