WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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