I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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