last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
