i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I met the friendliest cop last night
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
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