mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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