now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
