you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
