So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
