I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
