She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
