i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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