No awkward lesbian experiences without me
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
