I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
my being single is dangerous.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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