My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
This house was built for laser tag.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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