Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
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