I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
