You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
