I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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