you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
