Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
