im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
