I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
