I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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