please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
