He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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