Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
