There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
