I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
My balls are so social today.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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