You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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