I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
