I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
