Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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