my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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