So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
