I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
