I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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