The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
MIDGETS
????
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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