Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
